TakaTakaNekoChan

Lmao I'm just logging in for the first time in like 30,000 years hi guys. I have over 1,000 notifications;;; I'm probably never gonna get through them all wowowow this site has changed QUITE a bit.. Oh dear ;;

I don't know how active I'm gonna be in terms of posting cause I haven't done very much artistically? I have a few things I've done in my art class I'll probably upload but I haven't written very much in the last two years which is a bit sad I guess. I mostly do photography now. I post a lot of it on my Instagram but that's private and I don't have a separate Instagram for my photography as of right now, but I made a Tumblr for it soooo yeah there's that: sparxxphotography.tumblr.com

Anyways I just wanted to say hey pretty much. LONG TIME NO EXISTENCE LOL. If you actually wanna know anything about my actual life which is barely an actual life, 2016 was the worst year of my life so far for quite a few reasons I won't get too into but yeah. I was very very depressed this past year and for the first time in a while I wanted to end my life. Sometimes I still do. But I'm gonna try my best this year to prevent things from being shitty as much as I can and bring about more positivity instead. Idk how that's really gonna work out but we'll see. I'm a senior in high school now and I've been accepted to three different colleges including the Pennsylvania State University, which I think I'm really gonna go to, honestly. I've made some cool friends in school and a few cool friends out of school, I'm in the happiest relationship I've ever been in and without this guy I don't think you guys would be hearing from me today, you feel? So yeah shitty life update over xD As I said idk how much I'm gonna be here but I'm here for now

If there's any of you guys who do want to contact me OUTSIDE of DA since I still may or may not be on very often, let me know and we can exchange some form(s) of social media or something, yeah?

Hope y'all are doing well, or at least better than me. Happy holidays, friends + followers.

[x] You don't like public speaking.

[x] You find it hard to talk to strangers. (Especially if it's someone who I think I'd really get along with and want to pursue a friendship with )

[ ] You don't like to look people in the eye. (I actually love looking people in their eyes. Eyes are one of the most meaningful things about a person to me. Plus most of the people I meet have very pretty eyes )

[x] You hate using public restrooms. (I hate it so much that I lose the urge to go when I walk into one)

[x] You hate to go shopping alone. (I don't like being anywhere outside alone, really XD)

TOTAL: 4


[x] Being introduced to new people makes you nervous. 

[x] When you're in a group of people, it's difficult to think of what to say. (It depends on the people, but most times I actually find it harder to think of what to say when I'm around a lot of people, yeah.)

[ ] You have a lot of trouble talking of the opposite sex.

[/] You hate to be teased. (If it's in a joking/fun manner then I'm fine, but if you're trying to hurt my feelings I'll get very angry.)

[X] You hate answering the door. (I always peek out of the windows from upstairs and then tell someone else to get it >_>;; )

TOTAL: 7.5

 

[x] You can't stand people watching you. 

[/] One on one conversation makes you nervous. (Depends on who the person is that I'm talking to and how well I know them, why I'm talking to them at that moment, etc)

[x] You don't like to ask people for help. (Yep. I absolutely abhor it. Asking for help with anything makes me feel like I'm weak and dumb and I try to refrain from it because I want people to think I'm a strong person and that I can do things on my own because I know how I weak I am emotionally and physically.)

[] You hate to read out loud.

[] You don't like answering questions. (Eh, I'm fine with being questioned. I like answering questions people have, especially if it's about me. XD)

TOTAL: 10

 

[x] You dread ordering food at restaurants. (I feel weird having to speak to people I don't know and I don't wanna say something stupid XD)

[x] You are uncomfortable at parties, unless you know everyone well. (Yeeeeeeeepppp; mostly because I can't stand crowds of people I don't know)

[/] You don't like to talk, because you're afraid of being embarrassed by what you say. (Sometimes. Most times, no. But sometimes I really feel like I'd just say something dumb to/about someone/something.)

[] You wish you were more outgoing. (I'm very outgoing. I'm just hella shy XD)

[/] You hate being in the center of any room (only if I'm in the center of a room full of people I don't know. I consider myself socially claustrophobic. I can't be in crowds without at least one or two people I know beside me or else I get nervous and nauseated and sometimes I have little anxiety attacks)

TOTAL: 13


[x] You don't know how to react to compliments. (I really don't like omg)

[x] You prefer reading, writing, or listening to music than being around too many people. 

[/] You blush easily. (I probably do, but my skin isn't that light so I'm not sure if it shows XD)

[x] You spend a lot of time in your room.

[x] You don't like talking about personal things with people you don't know very well. 

TOTAL : 17.5

Overall Total : 17.5

Multiply your total by 4 to find out your percentage. Then, name this journal "I am ____ shy", placing your percentage on the blank line.

17.5 x 4 = 70

THIS IS THE SAME TOTAL I GOT ON THE LAST QUIZ JFC

Stolen from woop

[x] You have an OC that resembles yourself  (I have a few actually. Alternate universe selves plus my male self.)
[ ] One of your OCs has your name (I always try to give them variations of my name, but not my actual name)
[x] You have OCs that are siblings 
[ ] You are constantly drawing your OCs 
[x] You constantly receive positive feedback about one or more of your OCs

Total: 3

[x] You have more than five OCs (I HAVE OVER ONE HUNDRED OKAY)
[x] Your OCs are varied (I guess)
[x] You have a main OC whom you love the most out of all your OCs  (At the moment I do, yes.)
[ ] Your OCs are mostly mythical (Not mostly, but a couple are.)
[ ] A lot of your OCs were adoptables (I have like... One adoptable as an OC lmao XD)

Total: 6

[x] You have a 'bad boy' or 'bad girl' OC (I have plenty of those, pfft.)
[x] You have a girly OC  (I have a few of those, honestly XD)
[x] You have a 'cool' or 'sly' OC (Oh yus)
[x] You have a sporty OC (Like, one or two.)
[x] You have a fun OC (PRETTY MUCH ALL OF THEM ARE BECAUSE I HATE UN-FUN PEOPLE/THINGS XD)

Total: 11

[ ] You have a lot of 'perfect' OCs  (No one is perfect. Not even my own works of fiction could ever be.)
[x] You have a lot of 'imperfect' OCs  (Of course. Everyone has their imperfections.)
[ ] Most of your OCs are part of a fandom 
[x] Most of your OCs are non-fandom 
[x] You have an OC that isn't straight.  (Majority of my OCs are at least homosexual XD) 

Total: 14

[ ] You have had a polished toy, framed art, ect. made of your OC.
[x] You are constantly talking about your OCs to friends
[/] The first thing you did on dA was make an OC (It had something to do with an OC, but it wasn't an OC)
[x] Your OC participates in a role play
[x] You have made your OC in a game (I THINK YOU MEAN JUST ABOUT EVERY GAME EXCUSE YOU)

Grand Total: 17.5

Now multiply your grand total by 4
Then title your journal as "I'm --% addicted to my OCs"

First off, I would like to say Happy fourteenth Birthday to deviantART(even though it's a day late now, teehee). It's one of the most humble and welcoming communities I've ever been a part of and I couldn't be happier to celebrate with everyone.


There's not much to say in terms of my deviantART story.. I made an account on here mostly to have a place to store all of the wonderful art I had been seeing around the website, y'know?

I can't draw and I'm well aware of this, so I rarely ever try.
I write from time to time, but I don't really think it's that good. I haven't been writing lately due to some heavy writer's block, but I hope to pull something together soon.

But when I do write, although I don't think it's that good, it means a lot to me... Writing short stories and poems and things make me really happy. And it makes me even happier when the people that read my writings enjoy them. It makes me want to keep doing it. Making people happy is the thing I enjoy most in this world. Making others happy makes me happy. Your happiness is my happiness, even if it's just a little. And I've been beating myself up about my writer's block lately because I want to write more because I know people like it and it makes them happy.

But over the past couple years that I've been here, I've realized that my writing isn't the only thing that makes people happy.
What I do that makes people the happiest is... Being myself.
I've never thought much of myself, so it was very confusing realizing that the people I've met here have come to like me so much. It baffles and amazes me, but I'm glad. I'm glad I have people here who consider me a good person, a friend, and a part of their life.

I guess I'll get to the art now, haha. Thanks for reading if you've read this far



Always and ForeverYou think you're alone. No one to hold you.
Always hated. Everyone scolds you.
You cry endlessly, ready to give up.
You know deep down, that you were never that tough.
Stop thinking this way! You know it isn't true.
Don't be so upset because they don't love you for you.
I'll hold your hand and be your guide.
I can be the one that you can call "mine."
Though I am just a friend, I protect like a lover.
I look out for you, like a sister or a brother.
I'll keep you safe, I'll hold you tight.
And help you when called upon to fight.
I'll always be here. Always by your side.
I'll be the one that you'll call "mine."
Me? Leave you? No. Never.
I'll be here by your side.
Always and Forever.

Always and Forever is the first poem I had ever written, and I wrote it for someone who was very special to me at the time.
They're still very special to me, though we no longer talk. I wish we did and I hope they are well. I picked this to feature because the poem--along with the person--hold a special place in my heart to this day.

Sing.She sings... Her voice is beautiful. The most beautiful I've ever heard. I feel calm.
She's so beautiful when she sings... The way she giggles between words as I watch her, the way she smiles at me, the way her eyes glow with pure joy.
I love to hear her sing. Even if I couldn't see her, just hearing her is enough to brighten my entire day in a glowing ray of shining sunlight. The way she dances that little dance when she gets really into it, how she moves her hands in tune with the music and her own emotions. Just... Everything.
She's just beautiful.
And even more so, when she sings for me.

Sing. isn't a poem, just something I wrote about my ex-girlfriend. Something very truthful. She's absolutely beautiful, and even more so when she sings. We aren't together anymore, obviously, but we're still very very good friends. She's the best friend anyone could ever have and I'll always love her, even if I am no longer in love with her. I picked this because it's one of the most meaningful things I've ever written, and no matter what happens between my friend and I, it will always be the beautiful truth.

Reyner Was Gone.Reyner continued to dangle over the edge of the cliff, staring up at Cyrus. "Just let me go, Cyrus... I'm done for anyways, y'know..." Cyrus growled. "Shut up!! You're gonna be fine!" Reyner snorted. "Fine? Fine?! I've got like ten bullets in my back, if you pull me up the rest of the ledge will collapse, and we're miles away from help! Let me go, Cyrus!" Cyrus shook his head, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I won't! I won't, I won't!! I won't let you go!!" He was trying so hard not to cry that it was giving him a headache at this point. Reyner closed his eyes and started to let his arm slip through Cyrus' fingers. Cyrus gasped and tightened his grip. "Stop it!!" He yelled. Reyner's weight was starting to take it's toll on Cyrus' arm, though. It was tired, and he couldn't hold on for much longer. Cyrus knew this, and so did Reyner. "Cyrus," Reyner said. "Yeah?" "I love you, bro." Cyrus smiled a little, the tears streaming like waterfalls now. "I love you too, little bro," Cyrus

Ah, Reyner Was Gone. is something that I actually thought about while I was in the car with my mother, haha.. I don't normally imagine such dark scenarios about any characters, but sometimes it happens. I picked this because I'm actually pretty proud of it, though it probably could have been written a lot better. But like I said, I'm not the best writer and I do it as a hobby. But I'm sure I will improve more over time. Who knows, I probably already have, seeing as though this was written last year ^^

Conflict of the HeartI wish you could know I was feeling this.
I wish you could know how conflicted I am.
I hate you. I want to punch you. I want to kick you while you're down. I want to see you suffer.
But I love you. I want to kiss you. I want to squeeeeeze you...! I want you to hold me and keep me warm when it's cold.
I'm so confused...
But at the same time, I'm so sure...

Conflict of the Heart is something that I wrote during a really bad relationship. It's a long story with a very unhappy ending. But I chose this as sort of a mark.. A mark of the start of a hard time in my life that I am glad to say I rose above with help from friends and family. I think about it a lot, but it... It doesn't hurt anymore. The wounds have healed, and the scars are there. But they no longer hurt to touch.

REDRed.
It flows.
Through the veins.
Red.
It drips down the arms.
Drip...
       Drop...
            Drip...
                    Drop...


I watch the drip-drop of the red with curiosity.
It interests me.
I soon come to realize...
It is my red.
They are my arms.
When did this happen? How?
I've been watching the red for what seems like forever.
The dripping is louder now...
The room is darker now...
What is becoming of me?
My heartbeat grows louder, yet softer.
Faster, yet ...slower.
Am I fading away?
If I fade away...
maybe then I will find peace

Last but certainly not least, RED. I wrote RED while I was in a depression, but shortly after writing this I came out of it. Writing this helped me get some of the bad feelings out. And I actually sat down and read it back to myself many, many times... And it made me think to myself, like, "My God, is this really what's becoming of me? Is this really how I feel inside?" And at the time, it was. I honestly felt as though that killing myself was the only way to rid myself of all the pain. But I realized that even if I no longer felt pain, everyone around me would. There are so many people that would miss me if I was gone. I managed to pull myself up and out of the deep emotional hole I fell in, though. It seems I always do. Which is good, to say the least. So I guess you could say I picked this to again, mark a dark time in my life that I managed to rise above.

I've had plenty of dark times, but I'm glad that I can always find my way back to the light! And you guys help a ton. ;w;



Well, I guess that's it. ouo;;

Happy Birthday, deviantART! Here's to another year of amazing art, amazing people and amazing friendships! 

         :bademoticon:  :bademoticon:     

Our community has nothing but room to grow and love to spread~!

   

guess who's back
back again
taka's back

tell a friend

   


So hey, I'm back again. XD
As usual, I apologize for disappearing on everyone ;w; I'm really sorry I keep doing that, honestly
but I mean there's so much internet
and I've actually started going ~O U T S I D E~

But yeah like I always say after disappearing, I'm gonna try to be at least somewhat more active
I also wanna try to get out of this writer's block I've had like ugh jsdfgesufk
I WANT TO WRITE BUT WHENEVER I TRY IT'S LIKE

"omg you should open a new tab and go on tumblr"

*literally five hours later*

"what was i even doing before tho"

But yes I love you all and will try to not be a poopy person
sobs I missed you guys I hope my friends here still remember me